Gina Lazenby

Spoken in English. Their words, as they said them.

I'm enjoying the silence and the stillness. I'm finding it difficult to break that. I feel such a liminal space sitting quietly, keeping the thoughts to a minimum, Sitting still and then later on there'll be movement and talking. So it feels very, yeah, it's like a portal. It's a limital liminal space. Just having this precious opportunity for stillness, quiet, a moment in time.

It's tough just sitting. It's tough and it's easy. It's, once the energy is settled and quiet.

Absolutely no idea how long I've been here. In this It's a timeless space and that is actually quite a gift to have a timeless space. It's very rare to, I notice if I sit down and give myself the, gift of sitting down. Usually sitting, if you're standing, it's kind of movement, but sitting down and doing nothing as opposed to sitting down and then looking at a list or reading or taking input. But it is quite a gift to sit down, stop the movement, stop the dialogue, stop the relationship with time and then be timeless.

And be timeless and then find a a way of awakening out of that timelessness back into time. Checking the clock to see how many minutes was I timeless, what has to be done now at this time. So I'm really noticing my relationship with time. And, good or bad, I have I certainly have a relationship with time. So it's good to be timeless and it you know, know, we've been having conversations about liminal spaces. It really does feel like a liminal space, a space between. And those spaces between are precious because there's a before and an after and I'm in the middle. I'm after the before and I'm before the after.

I am wherever I am in whatever moment it is.

And as I was quiet, I was thinking once I start talking, a, better be good. Otherwise, it's not worth contributing. And b, how do I stop it and go back to the silence? How do I stop the narrative and then get back into that space of complete silence and stillness?

Move out of engagement into what's the opposite of engagement? Just not disengagement, but just settling.

Well, the question I'm sitting with is, in moving forward in life, wherever where where everyone is, there's a future. An unknown future, but there's a desired future. And I feel I have completely no idea, so I don't know what I'm moving into. I don't know how to articulate a dream. I could have this. I could have that. I can't. I I kind of I think I've lost my creative imagination in my own future. I don't know why. And therefore, it's a it's like a an invisible wall. Something is beyond the wall. And if I have found a way of dismantling it, then I would be able to voice options and choose one. And it manifests so it not or it doesn't. So it kinda feels a wall in front of me. And I can feel it in my head. I actually haven't got a headache but I can feel my forehead. And so I was trying to dismantle that. I was just kinda using the space to why doesn't this wall disappear. So then I have in front of me a vista of choices and I go that's my choice and I'm gonna move in that direction. So that's why I'm sitting within life.

Well becoming is an interesting word because, I'm not there yet and yet I am because I am me. This is this is this is me. And, who am I? Gosh. I was asking myself that question. And I have to be very compassionate with myself to answer it and not have a critical voice of, you're this but then you're not that or you're not enough of this. So I would just really, I have to have a positive practice of saying whatever it is, you're okay. And I do say to myself I'm okay. All is well, I'm okay. Just to reassure myself that if if I haven't achieved or I haven't become something. So I am in a becoming process and but then in the becoming process I am already I'm already I am cooked. I'm already there in my becoming. How about that?