Jamie Catto

Spoken in English. Their words, as they said them.

My heart hurts so much today.

So I'm feeling present in my life, a very visceral experience of being on the outside.

And I know cognitively and spiritually that the only feeling of being on the inside is what we generate ourselves or what we connect to ourselves. We can't be dependent on somebody else making us feel like we're on the inside. Something we have to know ourself.

Sometimes I make music to help tears come.

The idea that if I if I cry enough tears, then this feeling of heaviness and loneliness and disconnection and regret will ease up.

One of the connections that helps is the idea that the Tibetan Buddhists have in tongling, which is when I'm feeling this grief or loneliness, that I'm it's not just mine, it just is. And right now, there's a man setting up his fruit stall in Peru who feels just like this, and there's a woman walking her dog in Paris that feels just like this, and a kid lying awake in America feeling just like this. And that there's just this feeling we all share sometimes.

And that's not just mine, there's a connection of humans. Through this feeling of disconnection, there's a connection. By so many of us feeling it at the same time, we can tune into each other and wish each other well and say things like, may all beings be free.

It's painful to feel separate.

There's the separation from spirit coming in to incarnate as an individual ego. That's one huge separation coming from the oneness into the duality of having experiences where you have to be an individual to have experiences. It has to be me and you, me and music. It has to be me and something else for there to be an experience. So we have to leave the oneness. That's the first great separation. And there's the second separation of leaving the mother's womb where we were part of one thing inside one warm safe thing. We had to come out into the individuality of a human body with nerve endings and skin and bright lights and being an individual. And so that's two.

And then we get given all the strange rules, rejections and confusions of a childhood. So that's three.

That's why I think connection is so precious.

Some people are saying these days that connection is the opposite of addiction.

So much emphasis on not being ordinary, being a star, being something special. And it's sad because the true love is for being ordinary. Not having to generate love, not having to be something special to be loved, just be ordinary. And when you lose the belief that you can be loved or love yourself without doing anything special, without being amazing, without being unique, without delivering, generating the love, when you can just be ordinary and still be loved. That's where real heaven on earth happens.