John Wentz

Spoken in English. Their words, as they said them.

It's funny because the first thing that comes to my mind actually is how common silence has become in in a time like this. Normally, I would feel pretty uncomfortable, I think in total silence. But in the last two weeks, since the city's been so bare because of the virus, it's never been as quiet. So it's just a very comfortable feeling. It's quite odd.

That was why I went out today briefly to get some supplies and stuff. And I was reminded I I always get asked a lot, like, why why do I draw portraits? And I never really have the greatest answer for it. I think this is a multitude of reasons. But it really dawned on me today, like, walking around and seeing very few people that it's a means of connection with people. The only faces that I've seen in the last two weeks are the ones that I've been drawing, and so not really seeing that many human faces. So walking around and then oddly enough, most of them are covered in masks. People have scarves wrapped around their faces. But it's really weird and interesting thing that I because the one thing I don't think I've ever said and why I draw portraits is that it's a means of connection. I've had a myriad of other other reasons to do it, but it kind of made me realize that today. That a lot of it is trying to connect with other people.

I guess in a way, it's almost like making creating a bridge between you and and the viewer.

It's funny. It actually makes me think I don't know if this is an appropriate story to tell. But it makes me think that the first time I got into meditation, and, I had a period in my life where I was heavily addicted to drugs. And when I got clean, you know, you do, like, your NAAA type things. And there was this offshoot. It was a Buddhist recovery program, and I, so I opted for that. It was less religious. And you go I would go to this meeting, and they let everybody in there. So I remember that I was with there was a girl who was in because she was a sex addict, couple of junkies in there, some alcoholics. And, they do you open meetings with a group meditation, and I never meditated before. And it was, like, thirty minutes for your first time. That's a really long time to meditate. And it there was easily the most uncomfortable moment of my life because you're in this basement. It was in Berkeley. I was in a basement in Berkeley of some shop with probably 15 people around. And so everybody, you're sitting in a circle and you close your eyes and you're supposed to be dead silent. And at the same time, I don't trust any of these people because they're drug addicts, they're sex addicts, and I'm supposed to have my eyes closed, you know, around them for half an hour. But interestingly enough, after that thirty minutes, it was also the most calm I've ever experienced in my entire life. And for the first time too, I have a lot of anxiety issues, and everything went away in that moment. And I don't know why that still sticks with me. Like, anytime I'm in a period, like, a moment of silence, that moment of being in that basement with all those weirdos floods into my mind.

So where do I start?