Kim Holl

Spoken in English. Their words, as they said them.

I feel like for decades I've been saying I'm just living in the mystery. When I first started saying that it was like I was very frustrated because enough mystery, I need to know. But now I I have really become very comfortable with it. And, and I'm really okay with not always knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing.

Because as long as there's mystery, there's also a lot of possibilities and choices.

And I, I, I have this vision of when I was a little girl and my favorite thing to do was to throw my bedroom window wide open and lean out on the roof and the windowsill and just stare up at the night sky, at all of the stars and constellations and I would dream and wonder about the life in front of me and where I've come from and where am I going. And it felt like everything at that time was possible. And then I think about how as you grow and age, it's almost as though life pulls those possibilities away from you. And, yeah, they're always there, I know. But, life often gets in the way.

I've always kind of said to myself, You know, just the importance of doing life full out, meaning like explore all of those corners in my life. You know, what are my gifts? What am I here to do? What's my legacy?

And leave no stone unturned.

I looked always for things that would make my heart sing. That was kind of my North Star. And looking back, it was a hard route because there's no playbook. And, but it is what has brought me to this point in time. And so I have to give myself credit that I trusted myself all along this path, which was very hard to do sometimes, especially raising three sons on my own.

I feel in a way that, I think back to that little girl looking up at the night sky wondering.

I feel like I've lived my whole life like that really.

Wondering and wondering.

That sense of wonder is so important.

And that sense of being able to trust and to know you're on the right path even though you can't see the end of the road.

I had this experience once after, climbing Mount St. Helens and, it was really hard. It was the first mountain I ever climbed and the top part of the cone is all ash and so it's like one step up, slide back down, half centimetre increments at a time and, it was really hard. But coming down was a blast because you could scree, you know, just leap down in all of the ash. And at some point, a low flying jet went overhead and I stopped and I looked up and I just had this sense that it was like I was, beamed up to the plane and I was an old woman on the plane looking down, remembering that time in my life raising three boys, climbing, trying to work, trying to follow my dreams. And I'm looking down, remembering that time thinking, you were so brave and so courageous. And there I am standing on the mountain and I had tears streaming down my face. That's how real it was. And it was like, I know that that is in my future. And so because of that experience, I often go there looking back thinking, what would the older me, what would she tell me now? And, it was very powerful.

And I think we all have that older me inside that we can tap into. Yeah.

The older me The older me is telling me to take a leap.

And, yeah, take a leap, a leap of faith and, exit stage left from the old job.

And, make room for new growth and my business.

I just count my blood I just count my blood