Krista Stanley

Spoken in English. Their words, as they said them.

So it was interesting, this first, feeling of, inviting in witnesses.

It's very uncommon for us to, be aware of presence that is, non material. And it's almost as if they are, ushering in themselves. I I don't think it necessarily requires my invocation. But right at the end of the meditation there, it was this kind of coming into the space, which was really felt really beautiful.

One of my, challenges has always been this very deep separation, this feeling of being deeply separated.

And I guess what it actually is is it's not a feeling necessarily of deep separation. It's more of a, remembering the non separation. It's it's knowing that something else you that you experienced it or were not separated. And I would even say that in, as a baby, you know, having come into this world as a very separate being. But, the experience of no separation, which we can't remember. And so but I think that that lingers. And, for me at least, it's been a surge almost my whole life.

I feel like my mother and father are here.

I think for me the other separation, the one that I experienced very profoundly, it wasn't really a physical or emotional separation in the family or anything like that. We were very close and, but there was something about me that, nobody really got. Teachers didn't really get it and, friends, you know, that was was like and it was never stated. And it was like, well, how am I different? I don't feel different.

And that was that was very impactful. And I think that's where you start to change who you are to accommodate the, and and help, soften the blow a little bit of, people not getting you.

That would be a powerful one of those little pieces coming in, those split apart pieces. Because as a kid, I had this flaming red hair and I, which was always wild, never tamed, and which was like my personality, always wild, never tamed. And I think what was happening is I was being seen and chastised. You know, I was being punished. I was always there was something that wasn't really in line with what was, supposed to be.

And so, I didn't wanna be seen.

I think I was an extrovert. I think as a kid, I you I could I would have fallen into that personality quadrant or whatever.

And now I would say I'm an introvert. I would say there's been a shift, and but then I would correct myself, I think, even further and say, no, no, no, no. I think it's a blend. I think it's kind of coming into a very blended state of wanting to, not necessarily be seen, but wanting to be able to freely express without feeling reservation or, self editing.

That's new for me.