Zafer Achi

Spoken in English. Their words, as they said them.

And perhaps one of the experiences that I went through recently, that gave me the space to appreciate sense and to give the benefit of the doubt to this idea of energy was being present as my father was was dying recently.

He passed away on April 7, and end of March he, in a conversation with me, he says, I think you should come. So I went and spent the week before his passing away by his bedside in Beirut.

And we had moved him home. He didn't want to stay in hospital, so we moved him home and we created we we brought home whatever equipment he needed, like oxygen assistance. And in Lebanon, you also need to secure the power source. So we have batteries to make sure that the the equipment was always online, and some a few other things. But other than that, there wasn't the buzz and the the busyness of a hospital. There wasn't staff running away all the time, etc. It was just it was actually quite beautiful. It was like quite sacred. He was in this place in his room with a couple more equipment with family members around him.

And his capacity to engage had slowed down quite a lot. Like within two or three days of his passing away, he could no longer really speak at any length. He could just say words, but not much more than that. And then it faded into gestures. And even the gestures faded into just face movements.

But clearly there was something I was picking up that wasn't communicated in conventional ways.

And there was a quality to the room that was beyond description that that didn't hinge on the placement of things vis a vis each other, that didn't hinge on the sound, that didn't hinge on the light. There was something that transcended all of this. And using the term energy for that sounded like would have made sense to me or made sense to me then.

And I was with him, and it was beautiful to be able to be there with him as he went. It was beautiful for him to be surrounded by his family as he went. It was beautiful for him to be able to decide on what terms he would go away.

And it was beautiful for me to have the space to talk about what it meant to him. What his life meant to him. What his passing away meant to him.

And so by the time he passed away and we were in funeral mode, My experience of his departure was probably more weighted towards celebration of a life well lived, than it was weighted towards loss. There was loss. That was mostly, or even more importantly, a celebration of a man who had led a beautiful life. And, in interesting ways, the fact that I could hold it in this way, back to energy, reverberated, propagated to my brothers and sisters and mother whose primary, whose primary stance was loss. But I sort of, I think pulled them more into towards celebration, appreciation.

I'm keen to see the extent to which I can make this more of a more of a practice.

As I face loss, I'm going to face many more losses, but making that into a practice would be remarkable if I can.

Also thinking of your father because you were saying that you don't consider yourself as necessarily tuning in naturally to people's energetic fields, but you certainly seem to tune into your father. Your father's field by your description, your picture.

I'm taking in your observation.

I think you're right in a way.

That experience of being with him as he gradually lost the ability to communicate in any other way, was pivotal.

And maybe, and maybe it revealed at the, at the heart of it, it revealed that I have that capacity to some extent, even if it is minute, even if it is unexpressed and still infantile, but I have some capacity there.